I know why your here..
Thursday, February 26, 2009
7:40PM - Fact about me
The best way to get me to do stuff is to be stupid psycho.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Take that black people.
Busy season kicked in unexpectedly this year, it went from not being able to find anything else on the internet to look at to "I really need to kill myself".
It's bringing back the memories of 10 to 11 hour days 6 days a week of me hanging by a mere thread of my sanity. Every day I sat in the parking lot before I went in assuring myself that murder would probably get me fired and put in prison, that that's just not cool if you ask me.
But as time is an unstoppable force here I am.. And the shit just got real.
I've been making an attempt to be a little more social and make new friends and have been comfortably successful in doing so. Found a few people who like to just sit around, play cards and drink beer and that makes me happy.
With Halloween around the corner comes all the parties, this year I don't have a costume and it pisses me off. I wish guys could dress like sluts then it would be easy. Perhaps I'll have some last minute idea but when I get those it usually involves me wearing nothing if I can help it and that is a problem considering most people can't keep their hands off me, trust me.. My hands struggle with it daily.
Monday, September 15, 2008
2:34PM - Just a boring update.
So work is entering it's 4th quarter which means I'll be busting out 10 & 11 hour days. Luckily I'm salary so I won't be making more money on overtime, who needs it right?
The doctor is making me work out so I'm going to attempt this weekend to do something about it. I'd love to be in shape with flexable muscles and what not but my body really hates physical activity.. Any tips?
Lately I've been somewhat of a homebody trying to recover from vacation STILL. For some reason after the trip I've been so careless with money and I can't seem to stop. But hookers don't come cheap with the needs I require.. It's a curse.
Tomorrow however I'm fortunate to have the day off and will be at the vet for most of the morning. It would be all fine except this place is by Ridgeview high school and gas costs a left ball per gallon. I'm going to try to make the most of my venture though, you know.. the whole get stuck in traffic on Blanding.. Get a ticket probably for not having a car with anything christian on it.. Who knows, the possibilities are endless.
Other then that I'm still lame, but I look fantastic in a speedo.
Friday, September 5, 2008
When the subject like simply says:
"FWD:Make your pecker a beast"
I just wanted to give them money for that line.
Think they'd filter my checking account?
Think I'd care if they kept it up with the sexy emails?
We shall see.
Monday, August 18, 2008
I would change everyones bank account to mine then leave the next day.. to the moon. Because then I could afford it and they don't have AIDS there.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Because jesus let's me have them.
I had to answer this because I was waiting for someone to answer it properly but surprisingly nobody has yet.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Not sure if rage fueled this or the man who wrote this is just a literary genius... Whatever it is his math breakdown gave me goosebumps.
So I've had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the fuck do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it's not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?
I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you fuck non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge fucking ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don't think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?
Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of pornstar sex so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it's a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty fuck toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. that's fair isn't it?
But no... it doesn't work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don't have time anymore. What used to be a fun quicky on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the ass. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger.
Do I sound bitter? well I guess I do. Let me explain, I'm sure there's more than myself in this unfortunate spot.
My wife of 6 years has had sex with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said "I'm just going to lay here, I don't want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with".
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my "O" and be done with it. (this takes 5 minutes tops)
I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your sex drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren't as libido killing as the SSRI's. Enough is enough though.
Let's do the math
5 minutes of sex 12 times a year is one hour of sex per year. ONE FUCKING HOUR...
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had sex when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?
Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to fuck for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Picked up the Princess bride special "buttercup edition"
Reminded me why this movie really is my #1 favorite movie of all time.
I could watch this movie once a week for the rest of my life and never tire of it.
In fact, it would be something I would look forward to weekly knowing at least one thing would be entertaining at the end of my strenuous work week.
"People with masks cannot be trusted"
Monday, August 11, 2008
5:07PM - Another week..
After 4pm my job just stands still... It's a small wonder why I don't post in this more often. Write something creative rather than catch up on my viral videos, troll forums or try to find good free porn sites.
Not sure why but it's hard to get back into this thing, I've become incredibly reclusive the past several years. Much more private.. Not sure if that comes with age or I just really got tired of most of the people I know. I doubt the latter but hey I could be lying.
I honestly think shit is just boring, everything I start doing I get bored with really fast. Perhaps I just gave up on life.. Like dropping off the grid but still contributing to this fine country. Better than being dead.. I mean I can still look at porn I guess.
I'm going to start those writers block things tomorrow.. Perhaps that will be entertaining and get me back into writing who knows.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I have now created an AIM account.
If anyone wants to talk to me while I work.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
9:36AM - Back from San Diego
ComiCon was pretty awesome, as well as seeing all the old friends Mike, Kat, Opie and Sarah.
I'll post more about it I just wanted to confess something real quick..
The Con hooked me on the Magic game, that card game.. It's been out for like 10 years and I never touched it.. Why now? Someone come get my wallet please.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
1:24PM - Two things
1. I have a mirror in my shower, people thing it's for shaving (and it is), but it's REALLY for making shampoo horn and monster faces at myself every morning.
2. I have a dent puller suction cup thing I bought to pull a dent on my car, worked great, so now I pull dents out of stranger's cars when they're not looking, I find this quite satisfying.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
11:54AM - Hour 27
My boss just sent me an email saying if it remains slow he will be sending me home shortly.
When I heard the stellar news all I could think about is doing lunges in Tonia’s panties with the blinds up when I get home.
It looks like I may reach 30 hours, that will break my record but feeling like this hardly makes me proud. I must avoid books and sleep even when I get home. I am at risk of fucking my sleep schedule up, this cannot be.. The battle will continue at home, just on better terms I suppose.
It’s also relieving I can stop this hourly posting, I don’t even want to do it anymore but after doing it for 17 hours it’s kind of mandatory in my squishy heart.
I can see lightning in the monitor.
10:59AM - Hour 26
Getting closer to 30 hours, I’m beginning to fade from consciousness for real. I was just talking to some co workers and they stopped me and said “dude what? What the hell are you talking about” And I couldn’t remember what I was saying nor how long I was talking. I hope I make it home.
But it is warm, I will be swimming today. I really miss swimming a lot.
There is seriously nothing to do today, I’m not fucking Batman… My will isn’t meant to stand such a challenge of endurance.
If I die on the way home I need you guys to make sure my epitaph states in bold
“Robert Danger Jadwin
This guy was fucking awesome.. Srsly.”
9:56AM - Hour 25
It looks like I am actually going to work until 6pm. My boss is showing no signs of sympathy or any slight intent on sending me home. So instead of being mad and miserable about it I just fully intend to play on the internet all day and smoke when I want.
A word to the fellas, don't ever do this while working. Morning wood doesn't just happen when you wake up. Right now Sprinkles is all over the place, he doesn't give a fuck I'm at work or I'm wearing pants with thin fabric.
I'm seeing purple dots in my peripherals now.
8:53AM - Hour 24
I managed to elude the madness I predicted.. I am at the state where nothing feels real, I'm sure most of you understand this state. I suppose it's delirium, though a mild case. But I have a visual aide that is making me giggle I want to share with you.
This photo explains why life is meaningful.. And why all you ladies just decided you fucking love me.
See you at hour 25
7:54AM - Hour 23
My second wind..
The office is alive and bustling with people, getting a lot of "awww how you holding up?" and "didn't you wear that yesterday?" At one point I actually got "your seed probably tastes like watermelon" I don't think that can be mis interpreted any other way but they want my dong. That or I'm lying, which I am... Lying.
I'm up, and here.. I fully plan to be worthless and pathetic. I really want a rum and coke at the pool by noon today. Show off my man tits.
FUCKING KILL ME.
6:49AM - Hour 22
People are filing in and I am moving back to my desk to hope I get sent home early.
I'm not going to make it to 6pm.. I already feel like I need to vomit.
Staying up this late I did find out that pretty much everything arouses me.. Like walking for example.
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